Grief brings a range of emotions which can effect us deeply. Here, I share my personal story and a poem I wrote.
Where the river turns into the sea
I thought to myself
“What would I not give
to sit with you again,
a warm cup in my hands,
laugh and forgive.”
Your voice rang through my head
as you whispered in my ear:
“You know that I can’t, I am nowhere near.
I am where the ocean turns into a stream.
You’ll find me where the river turns into the sea.”
I closed my eyes and saw you walking away.
My brother held you close, he led you somewhere safe.
I knew then and there that you were free and at peace.
But I’ll always feel an ache when the breeze touches my cheek.
Background to this poem
In the fall of 2011, I had just lost a close friend who passed away unexpectedly at age 27. Greif stricken, I went to a weekend retreat with a friend at a beautiful house in the countryside. I wanted to see if I could find some rest and comfort there.
While there, we did an exercise where we closed our eyes and imagined walking up to the middle of a tunnel and meeting someone we longed to talk to there. I saw the image in front of me and started to think about how much I wanted to see my friend just one more time to have coffee and talk just like we used to. I felt that we had some things between us that we never got the opportunity to resolve.
When I had thought about this for a while, I heard their voice in my head, saying: “I can’t. You know I can’t.” This startled me, but I continued to have my eyes closed. I then saw an image of my friend and my brother, whom I lost when I was 11, walking away together. My brother had his arm on my friend’s back and they were whispering in each other’s ears and laughing as they walked further away from me in the tunnel. This image has ever since then provided me with a sense of comfort and calm.
Related poem in Swedish: “If you had known me today.”
Here you can read an interesting article about the power of poetry as therapy.
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